Some thoughts I had on vocation that I wrote in my journal...perhaps they'd be interesting to others who are also trying to figure out God's will for their lives.
March 29, 2009 - One good thing about all this, however [see-sawing between feeling called to marriage or to religious life] - I receive a greater understanding of all the graces and beauties of each vocation every time I consider it. I've received the grace of understanding a religious vocation more fully, and now I'm understanding the holiness of matrimony and family life as well.
Because I'm realizing it can be holy - not just can, but should, and must be! The family is the domestic Church, the image of the Trinity, the place where the future saints and scholars, popes and martyrs, religious and priests, parents of other families, are raised. The parents are entrusted with the incredible privilege of participating in the very act of creation, and the care and formation of souls destined for God alone. The husband and wife see the goodness of God in one another, and they will help one another reach the fullness of perfection.
I'm realizing that married life is every bit as much a spiritual and mindful thing as a physical and sensual one. The main purpose of marriage is you, your spouse, and your children reaching your God. And it is such a very beautiful vocation.
...Becoming a saint and serving God faithfully and truly and well need not be any more difficult here in the world than it is in the religious life.
...Every time I consider the religious life it brings me closer to God, and every time I consider marriage, it brings me closer to God's people and His world. And every time, the two become more closely entwined. Perhaps I will be able to do more for God by raising up more people to be His valiant defenders, by defending His truth through my writing, and by loving Him wholly and living only for His glory.