Pie Jesu

This is a slideshow I made of our choir singing "Pie Jesu". The recording qualtity is terrible, but I really like how the pictures turned out - they're even going in time with the music! I'm working on some more slideshows to accompany music from our choir...I will definitely post them when they're finished!

The solo part at the beginning was done by myself and a good friend (the one who joined the convent, who I mentioned below).

The pictures of churches were taken in various churches of the Institute of Christ the King, and there are a few of the Cathedral Basilica of St Louis.

What would you preserve?

I learned about this on someone's blog - Sony is doing a promotion for their movie 2012, asking people to vote on which works of film, art, literature, and music they would preserve for future generations if a world catastrophe happened.

Twilight is in the lead for books! How pathetic is that? It beat out great classic works such as Lord of the Rings, Pride and Prejudice, Romeo and Juliet - it even beat the Bible. That's just sad.

So if you have a few extra minutes, click here and vote. To be sure, Twilight also won for films (which is absolutely ridiculous...did they have a pack of raving fangirls go and repeatedly vote? *rolls eyes*), but it would be nice if something more truly classic and enduring could win for literature. Make your first choice the Bible! Obviously it deserves to preserved, over any other book.

Voting ends September 20.

The Missing Link

I said goodbye to one of my very good friends yesterday. She is going to become a sister in Italy, and I won't see her for a year. I can't even write for four more years. It is such a bittersweet occasion - I'm rejoicing wholeheartedly for her beautiful vocation, but my heart is anguished with missing her.

She was the first best friend I had, and we were fast friends from the time we met five and a half years ago, when she was 13 and I was 10. For that first year and a half or so, we really were like "one soul in two bodies". We told each other just about everything and loved one another devotedly.

But clouds must shadow every friendship, and they did ours. Hasty words were spoken, feelings hurt on both sides, and for about a year we didn't even speak to each other. We were each going through very different times in our lives - I was becoming a teenager, but she was becoming a young lady.

Thanks be to God, we completely forgave and forgot about two years ago. Things could naturally never be as they used to be, but soon we were once again as close as we had been, just in a different and more mature way.

This past summer I didn't talk to her as much as I wish I had. It was a very busy, stressful summer for both of us, but certainly more so for her. I think that whenever we have to say goodbye to someone dear to us, we will always wish we had had more time with them.

It makes me miserable to think that I'll never celebrate another Christmas or Easter or birthday with her, that if I get married she won't be a part of the wedding, that she will most likely not see my kids when they are babies, that I won't be able to tell her all about college - simply that our lives are now going to be forever separate. She won't be there to laugh with me, to cry with me, to comfort me when I need it.

But I am happy for her - so happy! She has been given a beautiful and mind-blowingly wonderful vocation. She'll be living in a beautiful country, be part of a religious order, be the spouse of Our Lord Himself. She'll be so happy.

There was a Mass for her a few weeks ago, and in his sermon our priest said she is going to be one of the "missing links in the puzzle of life". He said that vocations are like many steps on the ladder - some are closer to heaven, others farther away, but we need all of them or else we wouldn't have a ladder. The steps closest to heaven are those occupied by priests, sisters, and brothers, and lately we've had a shortage of them. He said that, hopefully, she will be one of the missing links - fill in a gap at the top of the ladder.

This is my acknowledgment of her, you could say. I'm happy that she is my friend, that we have so many good memories, that she was blessed with such a beautiful vocation. I miss her terribly - I always will, and I'll always look forward to seeing her. Saying goodbye to her was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I ask your prayers for her, on her behalf.

So many books...so little time!

I've been on the computer way too much lately, I've decided! And you know, what I really should be doing is reading. I have so many books started...it's a very bad habit of mine.

So, as of today, here are the books I'm reading:

• The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R Tolkien. This would be the second time I've read it. I really want to read the appendixes this time, too!
• The Bridal Wreath by Sigrid Undset. My mum loves those books (she recommends them to everyone!), so I want to read them. There are two others in the series - The Mistress of Husaby and The Cross.
• The Quiet Light by Louis de Wohl. An excellent novel about St Thomas Aquinas! It's so well-written...there is such a difference between the sections about him and the ones about his family. You can feel the peace emanating from Thomas and the monastery, and the excitement of the life of his noble family.
• Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray. I just started reading it and I really haven't heard much about it outside of references in old books. It's quite funny!
• Anne of the Island by L.M.Montgomery. I have no idea how many times I've read the "Anne" books, and now I just read them in any order and they still make sense! I felt like reading about her college life...
• The Silver Chair by C.S. Lewis. I'm the process of re-reading the Narnia books and I'm almost done! I love those books so much... Mum read them out loud to my sister and me when I was 8 years old, and they are now closely entwined with my imagination and memories of my childhood.

So those are the books I'm reading right now...wow! I really want to read Black as Night and Waking Rose by Regina Doman, and the last book in C.S. Lewis's Space trilogy (the name escapes me at the moment). I'm also thinking about re-reading Little Women.

Ha, and don't even get me started on the movies (both new ones and ones I want to re-watch) I want to see!

So I just wanted to give a bit of an update, and with that, I'm off!

Fun With Quizzes...

I took this quiz on the blog of Elenatintil (a moderator of the Fairy Tale Forum - my new favorite website!) - you can check it out here. I liked the result and I thought I'd share it!

Elizabeth Bennet

Often called Lizzy, Elizabeth is the heroine of Pride and Prejudice. The second eldest of five sisters, she is witty and intelligence, though her prejudice prevents her from recognizing her true love when he appears. However, Mr. Darcy, though he appears proud, wins her love and respect, but not before she believes she's lost him forever.

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And another quiz which I also liked the result of! I knew, when i read "Shadow of the Bear", that Blanche sounded like me.

Blanche
The elder of the Briar sisters, Blanche is quiet, introvertive, sweet, loving, a deep thinker and possesses a heightened awareness of danger. She loves books (Chesterson!), piano, and Bear! Her choices of vocation is the medical field, although family comes first.

An Epoch Summer

Epoch: 1 a : an event or a time marked by an event that begins a new period or development b : a memorable event or date

Finally, I have a chance to post something again!

This has been a very busy summer. We attended the Milwaukee Ballet 3-Week Summer Intensive, which was a great experience. I learned a lot, both ballet related and otherwise! I decided that, as much as I love ballet, I would never have the dedication to it to do it as a career. It was a rather painful decision, but I know it's the right one. Now I'm also so much freer to just enjoy ballet, without worries about not being the right size for a company, or the fact I'm a bit behind my peers as far as technical capability goes. I love performing, and I will just enjoy ballet and performing as much as I can in the next few years. I'm sure that opportunities that have not even occurred to me will come up.

I also finally decided why I do ballet, and that it is perfectly justifiable to spend so much time, money, and effort on it even though I don't plan to do it professionally. I love dancing and performing, other people love watching it, and by it I'm helping to make the world a more beautiful place. I think that certainly makes it worth it! I also gain all the personal benefits such as staying very much in shape, learning a beautiful art form, improving my musicality, gaining grace and good posture, and having something enjoyable to do.

Now I'd like to share a few experiences I had when we were in Milwaukee.

One day we decided to drive in to the city and go to the lake and then to Mass. Before leaving Brookfield we stopped by Panera Bread and got soup and sandwiches. It was a fairly dark day with a promise of rain, but we nonetheless stopped near the beach and ate on a bench near a very large group of very friendly seagulls who were most interested in our food. They crept up on us, eyeing our food with their beady eyes, and uttering alarming squawks. They were very cute.

When we had just a bit of food left, it began pouring rain. We quickly packed up our food and ran towards the car. I paused and threw bread to the gulls - it had scarcely left my hand and they were already in the air, crowding close to snatch it out of the air. Once two gulls caught the same piece and just pulled it in half!

We sat in the car while it rained - it was only a little after 5 pm and Mass wasn't until 6 pm, so we had a bit of time to kill before we had to go anywhere. It only rained for about 10 minutes, and when it stopped I asked if I could go down by the water. I'd really wanted to and had been quite disappointed when it began to rain before we had a chance. Mum said I could and that she would join us in a little while, so I started down towards the water.

My sister Bailey and I walked along the shore and picked up the smooth, white rocks - some round, others flat. The sky above us was a deep, dark azure; the lake teal broken with ripples of turquoise. I walked right into the water, flip-flops and all, and as the water splashed over my feet I could see the turquoise fade away from it.

As we walked towards the large rocks near the water, Bailey pointed out the rainbow arching clearly through the still-darkened sky. Each perfect end landed in the water, and a boat sailed beneath it - to Tir-na-nog, perhaps?

Behind us, the darkness in the sky was breaking, and white clouds separated themselves from their darker counterparts. Seagulls shrieked hungrily as they trotted busily among the rocks. The world felt sparkling and new and exciting - just walking along the shore seemed to me an exciting thing of epic proportions.

I reached the huge white rocks and began to climb on them, carefully throwing my weight and maintaining my balance. Climbing on rocks is an interesting sort of dance between you and gravity. It was not easy to do in flip-flops, a knee-length skirt, and holding a handful of rocks, but I finally reached a rock that directly overlooked the water. I sat down on it and looked into the distance, watching the water ripple under the sun that had just come out. I also looked down and watched the water lap up against the rocks.

Looking at it, I thought, "This is a perfect moment for a profound thought! But why is it that people feel so obligated to have profound thoughts every time they have a quiet moment? Sometimes it seems futile, like every idea has already been thought up. It's funny, someday each one of us will be gone and perhaps our profound thoughts with us, but Lake Michigan will still be here, washing up against the rocks." Perhaps not the most pleasant or enlightening of thoughts, so it's just as well that I took my own advice, stopped trying to think, and simply enjoyed the beauty and thanked God for it.

Bailey had also been climbing on the rocks, and she climbed down to a rock I hadn't even noticed (but I'm not surprised that she did), that was shaped like a couch. She immediately lay down on it, of course. Lying on her side, she held one hand as if she were holding scepter, as she whispered, "Poseidon!" That's an inside joke with us...don't even ask where it started or what its significance is, because I'm not sure!

Looking over to where our car was parked, I saw Mum and stood up and waved to her. She made her way across the beach and joined us. We noticed a young man walking slowly down the beach, obviously enjoying the day and place as much as we were. It's always so nice to see people like that. We had to show Mum the couch rock, and then she told us we had to get going so we wouldn't be late for Mass.

As we walked back towards the road, all the happiness I'd been feeling sprang up in me. I skipped and held my arms out, feeling the wind like a bird (it doesn't look or feel as crazy as it sounds - really!), and laughed out loud. The young man we'd noticed earlier heard me and turned, and we smiled at each other. It was one of those amazing moments when you look a stranger in the eyes and see a piece of their soul. You know you'll probably never see them again, but you've shared a moment where you knew beyond any doubt what the other was thinking.

As we drove to St Stan's, I jotted down in my notebook some of the sentences I just typed above. It was one of those beautiful days that you know is an epoch in your life. Things are never going to be quite the same after it, and its beauty will linger with you forever.

I went to confession when we reached St Stan's (after some difficulty trying to get the confessional open!), and then knelt in the quiet church. After being in the big city (another exciting and different experience! There is nothing quite like a big city...) the church truly seemed like a quiet oasis.

Not many people assembled for Mass - perhaps a dozen. As Mass began, a beautiful thing happened. Bells from churches all over the neighborhood began to ring. I love the sound of church bells, there's something indescribably beautiful about them. They bring God into our everyday lives.

Have you ever noticed that attending Mass or anything in a church other than your home church will often renew your faith and zeal? Perhaps it's because it becomes removed from your every day routine, the familiar surroundings of your church. You realize how beautiful your Faith really is as you notice different facets of it that are highlighted by a different church. Perhaps you notice a painting, a statue, a stained glass window, and it makes you think of something that usually isn't brought to mind by your own church. You also aren't distracted by recognizing people around you...despite all your efforts, it can be hard to avoid thinking about people you know when you see them. It can be easier to concentrate at an unfamiliar church where you don't know anyone.

All in all, it was a very nice Mass. After Mass we went and lit some candles. I knelt at the feet of the statue of Our Lady and prayed. I realized that my desire for holiness and union with God can be carried out in the world, and also that I did not need to worry so much about my life after high school. I'm planning to go to college, and after that, may God's Will be done! At this point in my life, I really have very little inkling of what that will turn out to be.

I thought of what my friend Sr Justina wrote to me, "If you entrust everything in this regard [vocation] to Jesus and Mary, you will be happy and things will be better than you can imagine ahead of time. Pray to Jesus that you will be open to whatever He calls you to, wherever that may be - both now and for the future - for in this is your happiness and your holiness, dear Ivy! One thing is sure, He always rewards those who seek Him and His will, so I know He will bless you." That is wonderful advice.

So yes, as we left the church I thought that this was one of those days where suddenly everything is just a little bit different. Never again would I look at things quite the same as I had before that day. I'll remember it as an epoch.

A few thoughts...

Some thoughts I had on vocation that I wrote in my journal...perhaps they'd be interesting to others who are also trying to figure out God's will for their lives.

March 29, 2009 - One good thing about all this, however [see-sawing between feeling called to marriage or to religious life] - I receive a greater understanding of all the graces and beauties of each vocation every time I consider it. I've received the grace of understanding a religious vocation more fully, and now I'm understanding the holiness of matrimony and family life as well.
Because I'm realizing it can be holy - not just can, but should, and must be! The family is the domestic Church, the image of the Trinity, the place where the future saints and scholars, popes and martyrs, religious and priests, parents of other families, are raised. The parents are entrusted with the incredible privilege of participating in the very act of creation, and the care and formation of souls destined for God alone. The husband and wife see the goodness of God in one another, and they will help one another reach the fullness of perfection.
I'm realizing that married life is every bit as much a spiritual and mindful thing as a physical and sensual one. The main purpose of marriage is you, your spouse, and your children reaching your God. And it is such a very beautiful vocation.
...Becoming a saint and serving God faithfully and truly and well need not be any more difficult here in the world than it is in the religious life.
...Every time I consider the religious life it brings me closer to God, and every time I consider marriage, it brings me closer to God's people and His world. And every time, the two become more closely entwined. Perhaps I will be able to do more for God by raising up more people to be His valiant defenders, by defending His truth through my writing, and by loving Him wholly and living only for His glory.